LionelHideaki - born small and weak…die small and weak…this is what’s in between,right here right now…

my life started taking a huge fall while i was about age 14…until today….things were ok at first…but it didnt get any better since then….i strongly believe my mum that all this was someone else’s doing..but i refuse to put the blame on anyone…u know how people react when shit goes bad…they blame…they point fingers… they condemn.. thats not how it should be swinging.. because at the end of the day….the victim gets it all..adding insults to injuries…no one say’s like…how the bad guy should pay for it..or that anyone is going to help u…people still…no matter what…at the end of it all..point at,bitch at and laugh at….YOU..!! cuz ur the sucker who took it down like a bullet with ur name….no one cares..no one shares…and like mum told me… u always…always..die alone….not many people these days…sorry..let me rewrite that..NO ONE these days will take a bullet for u or offer a helping hand WITHOUT asking for something in return…so this is how things were going down…deeper and deeper to ground level from a soaring lifestyle to shitholes deep in the ground..fights happen,things broken,tears fallen,life has been stolen…all way beyond your control..its like a fucking chain reaction…one bad event linked to another bigger badder event and so the rattlings and snaps goes on…shake one chain u shake on all..a domino effect…neverending til u make it stop…the only way is to step on the fucking thing with all u fucking got….push back on life harder than its pushing u..but….for how long??u have the energy to fight on..push back…but this relentless assault on u will not stop so easily…how long can u hold on??even the strongest of men will grow weary and tired of holding on..even if its for his own life..like hanging by a ledge,the end of the pirates plank,at someone’s mercy…at this whole THING called LIFE..at its mercy…life could pull u up..life could just watch u fall…life could step on ur fingers and end it all…that is how im taking my life…taking every piece of shit life has thrown me,swallowing it down…i wonder to myself..what have i done to deserve this?people will EASILY tell u,its a test from God…so easy for them to say when ur not the one going through all of this…its easier said than FUCKING DONE!! try living a single day in my shoes and u’ll beg at my fucking feet licking and kissing my feet to take those shoes back..im not trying to say my life is a tragical one or that im the only one in this world having to go through bad times…all im saying is that my life for one…is of the pretty bad cases..dad said…all of us had hit rock bottom and the only step next is up..i don’t think so…things only seem to get worse…isn’t it bad enough already??things are going crazy in the house…its not even the slightest bit of how it used to be..fights happen…decorations and whatever thats able to be grasped in the hands turn into projectiles seeking its target across the room…when has it all come to this?i didn’t even notice…its like all of a sudden i wake up into a nightmare that has just begun…its been 7 long long long years now…things are still getting bad..try to imagine what sorts of things that could happen after 7 years of evolving and festering….running away??all has happened before..but where can u go? u’ve got nothing…no money..no home…and ur only chance of survival would be here and the only place u’ve got is…a place where me n my family call….home… still…we made it through many many years and all of us learned alot and understood each other alot more..things arent getting better yet and i pray to God that it will…during this entire unfortunate ordeal…i have learned not to trust..not to trust in so many things,its just not life how it is anymore when i was a kid like wishing on a star…HAHAHAHAH NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!! kids and their fantasies..keep dreaming kids,ur nightmare is just about to start…damn i hate kids… anyway,having faith and all…believing in miracles,that one day something or someone will just save us all..it’s all a bunch of bullshit to me now…it’s all up to u to change your lifes course…going into overdrive and leaving this all behind..and believe me…im pushing…pushing really hard and typing and typing..without even realising the time…how it flies by and leaves us all behind.. trying to inscript my entire lifes story so far into a blog…what the hell am i thinking? i don’t care…what else can i do?at least this is somewhere that i can let all the things trapped inside out…this blog..a place that i’ve forgotten for so long…but never ceased to give me comfort..its like living in a cave before and moving into a huge house,i never knew how a blog could make u feel better,before this….when the house is burnt down and robbed from u..u have this cave where u USED to call home…its not much but u know its yours..something…that u left behind but eventually returned to it when u have nothing at all,still with open arms…taking u back in..giving u some personal space and a place to shit and stay…the cave…everyone has a cave….a shithole where u crawl back into,a place where u initially came from..it has never let u down..i’ve got a place called a gym…my body is a temple and im gonna forge it into something that could change the whole course of my life..im doing it…. hitting the iron with all the hate for this hurtful life that i have..turning all that hate to fuel for me to burn in the asphalt for the road i have ahead…making it a smooth one for me for the remaining of my life….still a rocky road..and as far as the eyes could see for me..but it’s gonna end…soon..gonna end…NOW..leaving all the shit behind..

i was born on 20th june 1986…in bangsar…pantai hospital.. brought to this world into a pretty wealthy family i guess..lucky eh??u’ll find out soon… so well…i moved around all over the place,from many different houses… big and small houses.. but all that nomad living,i settled and grew up in subang…was schooled there,but was living all over the place and where my life began..had a very fun childhood,got almost everything i wanted…and i must say that i was brought up well by open minded westernised thinking parents who travelled around the world in their heydays..we were pretty well off, why not? mum had travelled almost all of Europe…dad had been half way around the world..himself being born under an ever wealthier family…but what happens??this is where it starts….it’s their gift,my gift..also our downfall…back to me now..well…i was never a snob..i was giving…im caring..and i share…i like ppl…but never liked back..i gave but never given much back..and i respected people for the most part,but i was never really taken seriously,everyone thinks im a joke,i get no respect….my parents..they were good..they were nice..too nice…. which is bad..something i’ve learned,very important.. so i started school and everything…moved on with life and everything…i met my first best friend,jingz… i’ve known him for more than 10 years to date..since i was 7 years old…still my best friend now..i’ve made a few too along the way..i’ll get to them soon…anyway..me n jingz were good friends…we covered each others back all the time…he’s my bro man! fo sho’ …moving on to high school…in smk sj.. where i met another best friend…ma bro chen..lee wei chen…hell of a guy who doesnt give 2shades of shit to anyone,and does not express any feelings for anyone…but keeps an eye on everyone of us in the fam’lay..i know…cuz he pops up when we need some backup..so me jingz n chen hung out,played a half ass game called helbreath…not even spelled correctly..but the game did more than we knew it could,not just plain dumb fun…it created a bond between us,and so came a new guy,khoo seng chee….omg!! before we became friends…dude.. seriously…u’d fuCKING HATE THIS GUY! god damn it…his fucking ego is like the Earth,PERIOD! yea….yea…so he’s good at this n that…FUCK OFF MAN! u don’t boast around shithead! but anyways…once u get to know him..and be a friend… he’s what u call a brother…he’ll back u up,not afraid to put up a fight and he’s always on ur team,put aside all the unnecessary "banging" among friends which most of the time his loudmouth fires off and sparks the banging bomb…and the banging will go on and on and on and on and on………..from the time u leave subang all the way to Genting…ahhh…a place we so often visit and has never grown tired of it and in fact..we miss the place even more everytime we leave…it’s the place where all of us started getting into a closely knitted band of brothers to a notorious little mafia shit of a family…i couldnt be any happier..they’re my boyz,my brothers..and not to forget another "brother" of ours…junee foo li lynn..this girl…was an ex of jingz and yada yada yada love me love you and ended up bestest of friends,she thought me so much about girls..i owe her that…i never knew how the female species could be so complicatingly simple..guys just think too much and we’re the ones saying girls think too much…but nevertheless…till this day,i could still barely understand how the females think..at least i’ve got some crash course training,briefly learning but a speck of how things run up in any girl’s mind… anyway… during all this is where my life started to take a huge plunge…….and to be continued..

huh…i duno what the fuck is going thru my head now…so much anger…n in my heart…it feels so tight,im breathing hard n my heart feels tighter with every breath…clenching my fist tightly n hammering on d keyboard as i type n gritting so hard on my teeth…im so pissed…feeling so mistreated…feeling so…so much fucking jealousy…u know…i told my girl never to go out 1 on 1 with some guy before…guess she forgot what i said…n she just did it…aih,nvm larr…just a friend i guess…i trust my girl,i do trust her alot alot alot anyway,so nvm bout that…oh n guess what…wowwww…this kid…some dunno who the fuck dato’s son or what fuck shit…who i couldnt fucking possibly give a damn about…brought her to san fran steakhouse…sorry honey…sorry that ur boy here isn’t so FORTUNATE to be able to bring u to such a nice place to eat,come to think of it…ever since we got 2gether,i haven’t brought u to a nice place to eat b4,sorry baby…im sorry…hrmm let me think….d most expensive place i brought her to would be…ah hah…pizza hut…sorry…but that’s all i could afford n even in pizza hut…i could only buy her d stupid student offer set…not those fancy special set meals with special pizza with nice side orders like barbecue wings n garlic bread n stuff…well…sorry bout that…sorry bout everything…sorry that i have to work my way up with my own fucking 2 hands n legs,n sorry that i cant get a job,at least not yet cuz my parents just wouldnt let me…sorry that i cant buy u perfumes that u like so much,i would really like to,believe me…sorry i cant shower u with gifts…sorry i dun have a fancy car n u have to walk n take train n that dumb dumb bus everytime…sorry for not even being able to take u to the movies often…sorry that we cant have pop corn when we watch movie…sorry that i cant buy u big big life size soft toys for u to hug…sorry that i cant call u so often cuz i dun have money to reload often…sorry for this sorry for that…baby…im sorry…sorry that i wasnt born with a fucking golden diamond embedded n platinum spoon in my fucking mouth…huh…oh…what’s this shit dripping…are these things called tears? yea… i think it must be it…y do tears come??tears roll down ur cheeks when ur hurt…its not something u can control by the way…u cant just tell urself everything is ok n it wont hurt no more…nah…its not so easy…u could calm urself down abit…yea…that’s d most u could do…but that will not change d fact that everything is still the way it is,FUCKED UP…oh…and more about this GUY…he could do magic! great…i could do some magic too…i could bring u pain,so much pain that it’ll never go away…now that’s what i call magic…i’ll fucking break his face…see if he’s rich enough to fucking get plastic surgery…well…if he is…all the better…i’ll break his face…AGAIN…pissed…man im so pissed…so so pissed…and hurts even more…i feel like this loser…a loser…a loser who can’t afford to date a girl n treat her right…i guess…every single little thing in this world cost money…even love…so…u could say…u could…BUY love these days? oh yea…that reminds me…jennifer lopez huh…love don’t cost a thing?? FUCK U BITCH !…what d fuck do u know…as if u know what its like getting runned over on d face by some rich kid…and to make things worse…in front of d one u love,d one u’d give everything to…oh sorry did i say everything?? i meant nothing…cuz i dont have anything at all…i have nothing…let me rephrase…in front of the person u love that u couldnt give NOTHING to…ok…now that made more sense…yea…so right in front of u…some guy is buying things for UR GIRL that u wished so hard u could get for UR GIRL…now…whats more painful than that…ok…i might sound like im over reacting huh?its only lunch right?? but its way deeper than that…its not about lunch man…this actually involves many other things,and mainly …this involves another persons feelings…well…if u think im over reacting…FUCK U ! u dunno how it fucking feels…u feel worse than dirt…u feel like dirt that has been stepped on n runned over…yea…its something like that…great feeling right people??…complete ecstasy…try punching a wall in this state…no feeling…thats just goooooooooooooooooood shit…i’ve tried it! u should try to…no feeling…and zero percent satisfaction guaranteed…u know why?? cuz u still feel like fucking shit…aih…n tears just wouldnt stop…what can u do? if tears were pearls to cry…maybe i could hurt myself everyday to cry n sell my tears for money…i could buy my girl anything she wants that way…i’d hurt myself for her…yea…that’s how much i love her…at least she’s happy…if she’s happy im happy…hurting myself wouldnt be such a bad thing after all………………………

ok so what bout today?? any rants n complaints n sighs?? nope! none…happy happy…ok…so i woke up at like…10.30…had breakfast n stuff…then hopped right in front of the pc…had to rush n do an assignment for my girl…500words minimum 800 max…n i successfully completed it in 2 hours…and 800 words assignment complete with source of reference n meeting every criteria of the assignment…damnnnnn im good..ahhaha …kk..after that..had some lunch…called my baby up…talked for a lil while n did a lil touch up n corrections on the assignment…time running out…took a shower got dressed n went out…went n pick my girl up from the train station in kelana jaya…she wasnt happy bout it…she’s just really bothered n unhappy if i intend to go pick her up…she thinks im treating her like a lil girl….what the hell! im not !..it’s just im trying so hard to seize every single moment we could be together….even if it would be just a minute or a second longer being with her…i would go the distance…yea…that’s right everyone….she means THAT much to me…i love her so much…i just dunno what to say bout it sometimes…n i’ve never been happier…yea well so anyways…i went all the way to kelana n all the way back 15 minutes after i got there….well worth it…i had her in my arms…omggg!! i missed that feeling sooooooo dammmm much…god damn! fuck i miss her so much…so..had a pretty sweet time in the bus…just holding on to her…hehe ..i didnt let go…i was like sticking on to her the whole time! haha glued…but deep inside my heart…i knew that i couldnt let a second go to waste…the time we have together is so rare n precious…n lately…she’s been so busy…exam season n overflow of assignments…ok,so a lil while after that..we reached ss15…n i took her for dinner…pizza hut~! hahah…yay…she enjoyed her food…ate alot…but nevertheless…her baby sized appetite refrained her from finishing that oh-so-small pan pizza…she’s just so darn cute….everything bout her is just so darn cute…yea ok …so during dinner…i let go of her…for the next 10 minutes…n i was clinging on to my baby again~! haha …ok..so we were kinda in a rush…she had to be back before 10…paid d bill n went off…we took a long walk home back to my place from ss15…yea…blame me…im the poor kid with no car to drive n shit n my gf terpaksa suffer n walk also…she came over to save the assignment i did for her..i dont have diskette =P…after that i walked her home…and on the way i got her some medicine for her aching lil tummy…aih…dunno y …everything happened so fast n it was time to say goodbye…the part i hate the MOST !…it’s so sad n hurts everytime i have to let go of her soft hands n wave goodbye…she gave me a tight hug n i kissed her goodbye…that was the end of our outing today…aih…wish i could spend all day all night with her…i wanna live like this all my life…i’ll make it happen…i’ll never let her go…she’s too good to be true…n im so lucky to have a girl like her…she’s my everything…

its been so long since i last blogged…ahha…damn how time flies…i didnt realise it has been THAT long…kk…well…actually nothing sad has happened and i sorta like…lost the feeling to blog…maybe cuz im not sad bout anything n stuff…im pretty happy now…actually…im REALLY happy…got enuff money to feed myself n my girl for the mean time…had most of my debts paid off…good thing good thing…n me n my girl have been getting along just fine…really happy bout all that…no fights n stuff…she’s such a good girl…listens to me…

wah…today…rocks…so fun…ok…the night b4…didn’t sleep enough…was accompanying my girl on9 till like 5 a.m…n we had a lil argument also…yea…mentioned bout that b4…don’t wanna repeat myself…ok…so…i started my day…in the late morning…woke up at 11,happy…as usual…got a wake up msg by my girl…seeing it just makes my day…ok…yea…so i got up…n rushed to the shower…got dress n went out immediately…didn’t even get a cup of water to drink yet…it don’t matter…i don’t wanna be late to see my girl…meeting her at klcc at 2…n i reached the station at noon…so…yea…hopped on n reach klcc at bout 1.30…n she reached bout 2.30…had lunch with her friends b4 she came…had her favourite food,pan min…i personally like pan min too…most sunday mornings my mum would tapau that for me…yea…ok…so in klcc…we were just walking around…nowhere to go…n just enjoying n cherishing each others company…had a great time…n we watched mr. n mrs smith today…our first movie together…after we got together i mean…yeap yeap! OH FUCK ! i didn’t keep the tixxxxxxxxx…a friend had them…crap!! nvm larr…i’ll remember this day anyhow…WE will remember this day…it was more than the movies,today for d first time…she held my hand tightly n play with my hands…just pulling my fingers…pinching…it’s a really cute gesture…makes me feel really special…dunno larr…just…really enjoyed my time with her,the same as every other day that i have spent with her…being with her…happiness…haengbok hae…

aih…headache headache…my girl…working…in a cybercafe…in the middle of the night…n she expects me to be ok about it…arghhhhhh i just dunno what to say…but how can i get mad?? im supposed to be understanding bout everything,ok …i can be understanding…but this is outrageous…n coming back at 4~5 a.m in the morning…IM SUPPOSED TO BE OK ??! whoever is reading this…u tell me…aih…anything larr…as long as she’s happy…i give in…i give it up…but i’ve got my limits…she’s my girl…n i have the right to do something bout it…argh…i just dunno what to say…im not mad bout it…just so so so worried for her…it’s so scary…scares the shit out of me…hope she can understand all this…n maybe just stop working??…but then again…i blame myself…im not giving her enuff…i’m not there for her…im a lousy bf…if im that good…she won’t even think of working…but im trying my best…what else can i do?? life isn’t making anything easier for me…im not that rich to be able to buy her a laptop or anything…if i could i would,without having any second thoughts…but im tied down to my current life…i’m still chasing after my dreams…haven’t even came any closer to my goals yet…n at this age…i just can’t make enuff money to buy her all these expensive things,i’d really like to…i’d give her the world if i could…i definitely would…she’s worth all that…but i don’t have a car…n it makes it harder for me to see her…i don’t have money to pay for her education…that’s y she has to go off somewhere far…if i could i’d just put her in a college nearby…a really good nearby college…so she doesn’t have to be away from me…i could take care of her…pay for everything…cover her expenses…if only…nvm larr…God is just trying to make a good man out of me…a matured person…who’s lived through hardship…know the meaning of life…knowing the value of money…being modest…not greedy…grateful of what i have n not asking for too much…i understand that…but…sometimes it hurts u to see that some people have everything…EVERYTHING…WUTEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

last night…the birthday of my ever so beautiful gf…she was really happy…contented…thank god…n special special thanks to everyone who was there…weichen bwee jingz eric fly spy…thank u all so much…n a lil extra special thanks to eric…being more than just a moral support last night…thank you bro…haha…ok…today’s blog is gonna be rather short…i’ve got not much to say…cuz i just don’t know how to put to words how im feeling…it was 1 of d happiest times in my life for me,another memory to add to the special section in my mind…seeing her happy which makes me even happier…n the hug she gave me when i dropped her off…so tight…so much feeling in it…i was…speechless…so overwhelmed…too happy…n she’s always got this scent on her,just love the scent of her…the scent of her hair…i’d know it if she walks by me,even if i was blind folded…even a mile away…i’ve recently developed that feeling within me…ever since last night…it broke the ice immediately rather than slowly letting it melt away…n alot of things happened last night…i’ve learned so much…so much…n love her so much more…n the feelings will continue to grow n grow…never stopping for anything…n my bro eric said…u make things happen…it is your first n it could be ur last n live happily ever after…it’s up to u to maintain it…to make it happen…YOU make it happen…it’s how much u want it…it was what he meant,what i understood…seemed so so true…i’ve heard it before…but u know…u just never believe in anything completely till u’ve seen or been through it first hand…im just so…so overwhelmed again…just thinking bout it…makes me feel so happy…seventh heaven…d the car ride we shared on the way back to her hostel…seemed so short…i couldn’t get enuff…it’s just never enough!! holding her in the car…holding her tight as the roads get bumpy n winding… whispering a song to her softly…just hugging her closely…feeling the warmth…d bestest best feeling in the world…

yay…had d car to myself d whole day…but…sadly…everytime i get d car…there’s NOTHING TO DO !!! wtfffffff…tot i could go out with my girl n just take a drive going everywhere…we planned on going out today…but…i guess it didn’t really work out…she had to go out with her parents…it’s ok…there’s always a next time…ok…yea…was supposed to ‘balik kampung’ actually before anything else…but it’s a public holliday today…n everyone else living in Malaysia had practically d same idea n everyone ‘balik kampung’ simultaneously…even a highway where u could like speed at 180 n having d whole three/four lane wide road to urself is stuffed up for miles as far as the eye could see…lucky there was a left turning that leads to Seremban…dad made a detour n headed back home…’balik kampung’ didn’t work out…i was sooooo happy…cuz i tot i could in the end go out with my girl…n like what i stated above,that plan didn’t work out too…so…without having anything to do…i called my bro,weichen,wanting to know if he’s got anything in mind to do or anywhere to go…he wanted to go Mid Valley to meet up with his NS friends…considering that im so free today n i had d car…i offered to tag along n give him a lift…his NS friends are really nice people…so i didn’t really feel left out or anything…then after awhile…Boon came…lol…this is some shuffler GoSu man…one of his ns mates…dropped by to say a hi n left soon after…ok…yea…while i was in MidValley…my eyes were wildly looking n searching for something to buy as a gift for my baby…her birthday is in 2days…OMG…n i just couldn’t find anything nice to buy…n i really had no idea of what to get her…i’ve bought a bracelet…flowers…what else?? soft toys? according to chen…it’s not advisable…not as a birthday present he meant…so ended up just hanging out with chen’s ns friends…talking abit n by d end of d day…didn’t get my girl anything…couldn’t think of anything in d first place also…n Angel was trying to help by giving suggestions…appreciate it…thanks for d help!…but anyways…i gotta save d money to secure a good time when i bring her out on her birthday…d present could wait…i wouldn’t wanna spoil that special day just cuz of a present…i think that having a memorable day is prior to d present…poor baby…having such a broke kid like me as a bf…well…her love don’t cost a thing…she’s not materialistic n doesn’t mind if i could pay for her stuff or not…but i can’t help but feel bad bout it…as a guy…i gotta pay for stuff…gotta settle d bill…yea…so it’s like that…im powerless to do anything at the moment…i’m tied down by this something called form6…trying to break free from it…won’t be long till i finish n could kiss school life goodbye forever as this coming few months are d last…so…im trying to enjoy d ride n trying to do well in d finals also…trying… trying…promised my girl to do well…i want her to be proud of me…i guess im putting too much pressure on myself…am i?? dunno…but i try to do all i can while i can…do what im capable of… n try my best to keep my promises to my girl…never wanna break any of em…n if i broke any…i never never meant to…sometimes things are just beyond your control…n thank god…my baby is so understanding…she know’s that i’ve tried n did what i can to avoid breaking promises…it’s like…urmm…ur a very safe driver n driving on d road…obeying d law n slow smooth driver…but what can u do when a car wants to hit u?? can u avoid that?? u don’t wanna hit into him…but he wants to hit into u…

today…is d day…i’ll never ever forget…never ever…it’s d first time me n my girl got our own lil time together…just d 2 of us…walking around…just…staying silent…but screaming in joy inside my heart…for me that is…but im pretty sure…she feels d same way too…we missed our movie…argh! no big deal…just a movie,a bit wasted though…paid for tix already..but i think my girl was really bummed bout it…she really wanted to watch,it’s a horror movie…her favourite…unfortunately,something came up n we had to rush back to her college…but me n my girl spent d whole day together…just being together with her…got home bout 30 minutes ago…n first of all wanna thank d guys n bweeeeeeeee for always being there for me…teman me go here go there…even sometimes when i ditch u guys n walk off with elaine…n big thanks…especially to my bro jingz…who’s always always there for me…helping me out…never ever hesitating to send me around n giving me lifts from place to place…n just now…waiting for me at d train station to pick me up…thanks so much man…so so much…i owe u alot…yea…bout d train…came back all d way from wangsa maju to subang jaya…damn far…really far n tiring…it’s amazing how my lil babygirl can stand all that…so proud of her…earlier on before that…i took my girl for dinner…she had a hard time finishing d roti planta…it looked kinda…sucky? lol…it was all dry n thick…don’t look good…i had a hard time finishing my maggi mee goreng…told them tak mau pedas…still fry it with chilli…wTF! n d other reason…cuz i was so sad…so sad that i was tearing,sad that im gonna have to send her off after our lil dinner… nevertheless…im so so proud of her…just so proud…she really is my tuff tuff babygirl…n she proved that to me in ma’ face…damn proud of her…oh ya!!thank god i had a cap tho…i was in a damn mamak for god’s sake n im crying,like a bitch!!…lucky no one noticed n no one was giving me an awkward eye…only she did…like duhh…i couldn’t even speak right…n she knows me even better than i know myself…of course she knew…it was so embarassing…but i couldn’t help it…really couldn’t…she’ll be d only girl i’ll drop my tears for…come to think of it…i ain’t no cry baby…i DON’T cry…i don’t even remember d last time i did before i met her…but when it comes to her…i get weak…so weak for my baby…bottom line is…we had a really meaningful time together…a really really sweet,meaningful time together…love her more than anything…really really do…*prays hard* n we crossed pinkies today…made a couple of new promises n renewed a few old one’s…n this time…somehow to me…i felt d urgency in the promises…it’s so so important to me this time…im not implying that promises weren’t important before…but it’s like…rank-S priority this time…n crossing pinkie means alot to her…it may sound like something sweet,cute,innocent,sincere n playful…but to her…it’s important,urgent,truthful n serious…and i’ll abide to it…i will…like i said…d promises today…is really important…n i think it’s cuz we were in need of each other so much,badly in fact…love each other so much…we’re far apart…n things like promises keep us strongly together…nothing can shake us…i know nothing would…even if a guy who’s like 10 times hotter than me…richer than me…better looking than me…i don’t think she’ll leave me that easily…n im confident to say… "u could just try your best n try to get her"…don’t end up walking away crying…i trust her completely…trust her so much…im her one n only…n she without a doubt…my all…my only one…my eyes are for seeing her,my ears are for hearing her words,my lips are for her to kiss,she’s d air that i breathe,n my heart is for loving her…